Here goes nothing...

I'm nervous. Nervous about writing this. Nervous about, good Lord, posting this. I try to be confident in myself, in how I look, in what I'm doing, but this is all new territory and I'm afraid, no, not afraid, just nervous, about how people will react to me.

I am fat. There, I said it. Now I can stop dancing around the huge, pink, cupcake-covered elephant in the room. It's been a constant throughout my life. It hasn't really held me back, though. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby boy... a great life! But, I have a little dream, a day dream of sorts, that I think to myself each night, of being thin. Thin, and in a beautiful, slinky, black dress. It's my little black dress dream. I want that dream to be true. Now. Today. Haha... just kidding, but not really. I know it's going to take time, a whole lot of time.

I know how to get there, healthy eating and exercise, but I struggle with motivation.  I've tried telling myself that I'm doing it for my husband. He deserves a sexy wife, etc... but he already thinks I'm sexy.  I say I'm going to do it for my son. He deserves a mother who can keep up with him on the playground, when he gets to that stage, etc... but I can.  I say I'll do it for my health, but I'm healthy... I'm sure I could be healthier, but I'm not going to die of a heart attack or anything. If none of this can motivate me, I guess I just have to do it for myself, be selfish about this one thing. I have to do it for my little black dress.

So, here goes nothing. This is day one of my weight loss, blogging, and selfish adventure.  I'm going to keep track of what I eat throughout the day, stay as true as I can to a 1200 calorie diet, and do some sort of moderate exercise (until I get in a little better shape) each day.  I hope that by this time next year, I can be 80 pounds lighter and in a sexy, little black number.