I had a terrible past couple of days and terrible weekend. Actually, it was a great weekend, but I made terrible food choices. The past couple of days weren't bad either... but I made them bad by EATING SO MUCH.
Sunday we went to a little kid's birthday party and for some reason I cannot say NO to that damn birthday cake! I know I can. "No" was right there on the tip of my tongue, but I let the frosting overwhelm my senses and I went to town on that thing! Then we had chinese food. Two egg rolls and chicken chow mien. Healthy? Hell no. I cleaned my plate, too. I just wasn't thinking. I just let my mouth and stomach take over. Afterwards, I felt awful. On Monday, I did a little better, but not much. I ate healthier foods, but too much of them. Yesterday was TERRIBLE.
I ATE and ATE.
I felt like I was giving up. I was failing myself AGAIN and so I kept eating. Why not? There hasn't been any progress; nothing is happening; I should just EAT. The shame, the guilt I felt each time I put a piece of food in my mouth was overwhelming, but it wasn't enough to stop me.
Now, today... today I am so angry at myself. How DARE I let myself FAIL. How dare I let myself feel so LOW. My mini-goal is to lose 5 lbs by Easter and I was well on my way (only a couple lbs away) when I hit a plateau of sorts. Now I have gained and am at my original number before the mini-goal. I wanted to lose this 5 lbs before I went shopping with my sis, and because I was so close, I set a date with her. Now to be where I want to be before then I need to lose this 5 lbs in 2 weeks.
I'm going to use this anger to propel me forward. Instead of sitting here, hating myself a little bit, I'm going to use that to motivate me to get off of this fat ass. I cannot hold myself back. I need to push a little harder, do a little more and NOT be mindless about my eating.
Failure is only temporary.
Edited to add: Holy water weight, Batman! After a *ahem* bathroom break and a shower, I am happy to report the numbers on the scale are back to being what they were before the weekend. Now I have two weeks to rid myself of those 2 pesky pounds and feel good about shopping for new clothes!
right, so my personal opinion when it comes to dieting is that you should never, ever feel guilt for eating good ("bad") things every so often. you're allowed a day or even a weekend of relapse as long as you go back on the straight and narrow and don't let it completely destroy you.
ReplyDeletei firmly believe that if you allow yourself to be consumed by guilt when you have a "treat," you will never be happy in your dieting decision and it will make you resent the whole experience and result in you more than likely failing.
don't feel bad for eating a bit of chinese and cake... there's nothing at all wrong with it. enjoy some different foods now and again, just know that moderation and self control are the key.
good work so far though, sweety!
I know. I've heard that before, but how many times do you let yourself slip before getting angry enough at yourself to stop it?! There comes a time when you have to put your foot down and after a bad weekend say ENOUGH! I'm not consumed by guilt, I am angry at myself. Moderation and self control are the keys to success, but I cannot have just a piece of cake, I cannot have just a bit of chinese food. They are triggers for me. If I eat bad once, then I let myself go. I can avoid bad food, make better choices and be better for it. I am not depriving myself ever, just making healthier choices!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input, though.
Good job Meg! Way to get back on track. I'm way proud of you for kicking it into gear and losing weight! :) Keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete