I had a terrible past couple of days and terrible weekend. Actually, it was a great weekend, but I made terrible food choices. The past couple of days weren't bad either... but I made them bad by EATING SO MUCH.
Sunday we went to a little kid's birthday party and for some reason I cannot say NO to that damn birthday cake! I know I can. "No" was right there on the tip of my tongue, but I let the frosting overwhelm my senses and I went to town on that thing! Then we had chinese food. Two egg rolls and chicken chow mien. Healthy? Hell no. I cleaned my plate, too. I just wasn't thinking. I just let my mouth and stomach take over. Afterwards, I felt awful. On Monday, I did a little better, but not much. I ate healthier foods, but too much of them. Yesterday was TERRIBLE.
I ATE and ATE.
I felt like I was giving up. I was failing myself AGAIN and so I kept eating. Why not? There hasn't been any progress; nothing is happening; I should just EAT. The shame, the guilt I felt each time I put a piece of food in my mouth was overwhelming, but it wasn't enough to stop me.
Now, today... today I am so angry at myself. How DARE I let myself FAIL. How dare I let myself feel so LOW. My mini-goal is to lose 5 lbs by Easter and I was well on my way (only a couple lbs away) when I hit a plateau of sorts. Now I have gained and am at my original number before the mini-goal. I wanted to lose this 5 lbs before I went shopping with my sis, and because I was so close, I set a date with her. Now to be where I want to be before then I need to lose this 5 lbs in 2 weeks.
I'm going to use this anger to propel me forward. Instead of sitting here, hating myself a little bit, I'm going to use that to motivate me to get off of this fat ass. I cannot hold myself back. I need to push a little harder, do a little more and NOT be mindless about my eating.
Failure is only temporary.
Edited to add: Holy water weight, Batman! After a *ahem* bathroom break and a shower, I am happy to report the numbers on the scale are back to being what they were before the weekend. Now I have two weeks to rid myself of those 2 pesky pounds and feel good about shopping for new clothes!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Five Minute Friday (Borrowed idea from The Inspired Housewife! Thanks)
I was reading through my favorite blogs this morning and was inspired! Inspired by the Inspired Housewife! The rules are simple. Write for 5 minutes. The end.
Today's prompt (also borrowed from her blog... great idea!): My favorite things
1. The summer sunlight coming in through the window
2. When my son gives me "kisses"
3. Completing a really cute card for someone
4. Frost on bare tree branches
5. Lying in the hammock, looking at the blue sky through tree branches
6. Slipping on my favorite pair of jeans
7. Getting a package in the mail
8. Making my husband laugh
9. Cuddling with my son
10. When windshield wipers or blinkers go in time with the music on the radio
It's a good day. Will write about weight-loss stuff later. :) Take some time and think about your favorite things... I would love to hear about them.
Today's prompt (also borrowed from her blog... great idea!): My favorite things
1. The summer sunlight coming in through the window
2. When my son gives me "kisses"
3. Completing a really cute card for someone
4. Frost on bare tree branches
5. Lying in the hammock, looking at the blue sky through tree branches
6. Slipping on my favorite pair of jeans
7. Getting a package in the mail
8. Making my husband laugh
9. Cuddling with my son
10. When windshield wipers or blinkers go in time with the music on the radio
It's a good day. Will write about weight-loss stuff later. :) Take some time and think about your favorite things... I would love to hear about them.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I WON!
OMG! OMG! I won a blog giveaway! This is actually the SECOND one I have won and I'm amazed! I never win ANYTHING!
I'm super excited about this one, mostly because one of the prizes is a box of new CHOBANI flavors! I love that yogurt SO much! My taste buds are dancing in anticipation. Scott likes it too, which is shocking considering how picky he used to be about food. Can you believe that he didn't start eating vegetables until I started making him 2 years ago?! Seriously, he only ate corn and potatoes. Lettuce used to make him gag. Now he asks for a dinner salad before his meal when we go out to eat. That was all my doings. I guess I'm just amazing. I make miracles happen.
Anyway, there are lots of other goodies included and I cannot wait to find the package waiting for me at my doorstep.
It's from Anda's Leaving Fatville's blog. Really, I'm not lying. I won the grand prize. Check it out and read my story that won. I am so grateful to Anda for choosing me. She is an amazingly sweet, inspiring and supportive person and I'm so glad "met" her on Twitter. :) (@leavingfatville)
So, my weight is at a stand-still and I'm getting a little frustrated. I know it will happen, the pounds will slip right off, but I want to see the numbers on the scale fall now. I'm still doing the c25k program and on my rest days, I'm doing low-impact walking and some EA Active for the Wii. Hopefully, I'll start seeing results soon. Tonight I'm supposed to be resting, but really, I feel the need to be more active, so c25k tonight, w2, d1. I'll be running for 90 seconds at a time now...I'm a little nervous. However, a Prior Fat Girl I really admire, Lindsay, is doing the same program and just did week 4, day 1 where you run for 5 minutes straight! She ROCKED it! So, I know I can run for a insignificant 90 seconds!
I've been slacking on my water a bit in the last couple of days and boy, oh boy, does my body feel it! I'm achy. I feel old. So today, hydrate is the name of the game. I've also been feeling a complete lack of energy. I don't think I'm eating enough. Now that I'm burning more calories, I'm left with a caloric intake of about 700-800 a day and I think I need to make sure that my net caloric intake is 1200. I really don't think I'm taking in enough. So, I'm going to watch that. I definitely don't want my body to think it's starving. I won't lose any weight that way. Eat to lose, that's what I have to do now. What do you think?
I'm super excited about this one, mostly because one of the prizes is a box of new CHOBANI flavors! I love that yogurt SO much! My taste buds are dancing in anticipation. Scott likes it too, which is shocking considering how picky he used to be about food. Can you believe that he didn't start eating vegetables until I started making him 2 years ago?! Seriously, he only ate corn and potatoes. Lettuce used to make him gag. Now he asks for a dinner salad before his meal when we go out to eat. That was all my doings. I guess I'm just amazing. I make miracles happen.
Anyway, there are lots of other goodies included and I cannot wait to find the package waiting for me at my doorstep.
It's from Anda's Leaving Fatville's blog. Really, I'm not lying. I won the grand prize. Check it out and read my story that won. I am so grateful to Anda for choosing me. She is an amazingly sweet, inspiring and supportive person and I'm so glad "met" her on Twitter. :) (@leavingfatville)
So, my weight is at a stand-still and I'm getting a little frustrated. I know it will happen, the pounds will slip right off, but I want to see the numbers on the scale fall now. I'm still doing the c25k program and on my rest days, I'm doing low-impact walking and some EA Active for the Wii. Hopefully, I'll start seeing results soon. Tonight I'm supposed to be resting, but really, I feel the need to be more active, so c25k tonight, w2, d1. I'll be running for 90 seconds at a time now...I'm a little nervous. However, a Prior Fat Girl I really admire, Lindsay, is doing the same program and just did week 4, day 1 where you run for 5 minutes straight! She ROCKED it! So, I know I can run for a insignificant 90 seconds!
I've been slacking on my water a bit in the last couple of days and boy, oh boy, does my body feel it! I'm achy. I feel old. So today, hydrate is the name of the game. I've also been feeling a complete lack of energy. I don't think I'm eating enough. Now that I'm burning more calories, I'm left with a caloric intake of about 700-800 a day and I think I need to make sure that my net caloric intake is 1200. I really don't think I'm taking in enough. So, I'm going to watch that. I definitely don't want my body to think it's starving. I won't lose any weight that way. Eat to lose, that's what I have to do now. What do you think?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Lazy Sunday
It was a super lazy Sunday in my house. We decided that it was a movie-marathon day. 5 movies. It was awesome. A couple of the movies weren't very good, but I'm glad we watched them anyway. Well, one I could have done without watching, but it wasn't the worst I've ever seen.
We started with "Tron." Have you seen this? If so, do you know what the hell was going on? I watched the whole thing, PAID ATTENTION even, and have no clue what that movie was about. The rest were horror movies and creepy situational movies (abandoned on a ski-lift chair, alone in the woods, etc.).
I wanted to do my Couch to 5K workout after our last movie, but baby-cakes wouldn't go to bed and we had a little bit of unexpected company. So, I want to double my workout today. I'm not dreading it. In fact, I feel pretty good and, well, excited. On Saturday, I surprised myself by telling Scott, "Honey, I really want to get a workout in before we leave for the birthday party today." *Sharp intake of breath, HUGE smile*
I surprised him, too.
Downstairs I went, put on some good tunes, hopped on the treadmill, and commenced to treadmill dancing, jogging, and over-all having a good time. It was awesome. It felt great.
I'm still working on those moderation goals. Honestly, I didn't give them much thought over the weekend, but I will this week.
No real change in the scale numbers, but I'm not judging my progress by that alone. Clothes are looser and my face is thinner. Gonna keep doin' what I'm doin' and the scale will catch up.
How did you spend your weekend?
Friday, March 25, 2011
And the seasons change...
I have a lot to write about today. A lot.
First, and most importantly, I need to say how HAPPY I am to be alive. Life is awesome, even when it's not, it REALLY is. Does that make sense?
Secondly, (and this is exciting) I've started the Couch to 5K running program. Wednesday night was my first night. It consisted of a 5 minute warm-up walk and then alternating 60 sec. of jogging with 90 sec. of walking. Honestly, I tried it Wednesday afternoon, but I started running TOO fast and couldn't finish the workout. So, that night, I tried again and a little slower speed and was able to knock it out! I felt SO accomplished and proud of myself. The sweat running down my face was like a reward. Tonight is week 1, day 2. Dare I say... I'm kinda excited about it... :) I can't wait to tell my sister that I'm doing this. I would love to run a 5K with her someday. Being active together was never something we could really do and I'm looking forward to being able to.
My weight is fluctuating a couple pounds day by day, but I'm not worrying about it. I know, because I'm keeping such good track of the food I eat, that most of it is due to differing levels of fluid intake. I'm hoping to get that 5 lbs I wanted off by Easter off by the end of the month instead. I only have 2 lbs to go, so I think it's do-able.
Last night, we went out to dinner with my in-laws. I really need to remind myself that I cannot eat as much as I used to. I got excited about a cheeseburger and felt bloated and terrible after I ate it. Scott ate too much, too. We realized that instead of ordering these big meals, we need to listen to our bodies and when we're feeling full from the dinner salad before the main course to STOP there. We both felt satisfied after eating the salad, so there was no need to eat more. Live and learn, right? Now we know for next time. This, I think, is a major breakthrough for two overweight people who love to eat out! :)
I have been in a huge funk lately. I suffer from mild Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. Here is the definition, courtesy of www.mayoclinic.com:
Seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year. If you're like most people with seasonal affective disorder, your symptoms start in the fall and may continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, seasonal affective disorder causes depression in the spring or early summer.
I say it's mild, because I don't feel the need for anti-depressants. It only really affects me for a couple weeks at a time, mostly during the time the seasons are changing... the transition from one to the other. I really have a hard time when it's warm for a few days and then BOOM! It snows or is cold again. Most of the time, the cure is a good, long sit in a patch of sun, but for me this is a double edged sword.
You see, I have a sun allergy. I break out in hives if I'm in the sun too long (20 minutes), or it's too hot. If I want to be outside for a longer amount of time, I have to either cover up or apply sunscreen every 10 minutes. Even these methods aren't foolproof. But really, how CRUEL is that?! The cure for my depression is the worst allergy I have! Not fair, Mother Nature! Not fair!
That brings me to my next topic: moderation. Moderation is so important. For eating, for sun exposure, for balancing family time and "me" time, for spending money... It's a hard thing to learn, but it's necessary. I need to work on moderation. I'm going to work on some goals for this, not really sure how to state it yet.. so I'm going to think about it and get back to you.
OH! OH! I almost FORGOT! How could I forget this?!?! www.priorfatgirl.com is looking for a Future Prior Fat Girl MOM edition! I nominated myself EARLY this morning. I might not be chosen, and that's okay! I'm just happy I did it. :) (But seriously, how awesome would it be if I could be part of the Prior Fat Girl family?! They are SO inspirational!)
First, and most importantly, I need to say how HAPPY I am to be alive. Life is awesome, even when it's not, it REALLY is. Does that make sense?
Secondly, (and this is exciting) I've started the Couch to 5K running program. Wednesday night was my first night. It consisted of a 5 minute warm-up walk and then alternating 60 sec. of jogging with 90 sec. of walking. Honestly, I tried it Wednesday afternoon, but I started running TOO fast and couldn't finish the workout. So, that night, I tried again and a little slower speed and was able to knock it out! I felt SO accomplished and proud of myself. The sweat running down my face was like a reward. Tonight is week 1, day 2. Dare I say... I'm kinda excited about it... :) I can't wait to tell my sister that I'm doing this. I would love to run a 5K with her someday. Being active together was never something we could really do and I'm looking forward to being able to.
My weight is fluctuating a couple pounds day by day, but I'm not worrying about it. I know, because I'm keeping such good track of the food I eat, that most of it is due to differing levels of fluid intake. I'm hoping to get that 5 lbs I wanted off by Easter off by the end of the month instead. I only have 2 lbs to go, so I think it's do-able.
Last night, we went out to dinner with my in-laws. I really need to remind myself that I cannot eat as much as I used to. I got excited about a cheeseburger and felt bloated and terrible after I ate it. Scott ate too much, too. We realized that instead of ordering these big meals, we need to listen to our bodies and when we're feeling full from the dinner salad before the main course to STOP there. We both felt satisfied after eating the salad, so there was no need to eat more. Live and learn, right? Now we know for next time. This, I think, is a major breakthrough for two overweight people who love to eat out! :)
I have been in a huge funk lately. I suffer from mild Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. Here is the definition, courtesy of www.mayoclinic.com:
Seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year. If you're like most people with seasonal affective disorder, your symptoms start in the fall and may continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, seasonal affective disorder causes depression in the spring or early summer.
I say it's mild, because I don't feel the need for anti-depressants. It only really affects me for a couple weeks at a time, mostly during the time the seasons are changing... the transition from one to the other. I really have a hard time when it's warm for a few days and then BOOM! It snows or is cold again. Most of the time, the cure is a good, long sit in a patch of sun, but for me this is a double edged sword.
You see, I have a sun allergy. I break out in hives if I'm in the sun too long (20 minutes), or it's too hot. If I want to be outside for a longer amount of time, I have to either cover up or apply sunscreen every 10 minutes. Even these methods aren't foolproof. But really, how CRUEL is that?! The cure for my depression is the worst allergy I have! Not fair, Mother Nature! Not fair!
That brings me to my next topic: moderation. Moderation is so important. For eating, for sun exposure, for balancing family time and "me" time, for spending money... It's a hard thing to learn, but it's necessary. I need to work on moderation. I'm going to work on some goals for this, not really sure how to state it yet.. so I'm going to think about it and get back to you.
OH! OH! I almost FORGOT! How could I forget this?!?! www.priorfatgirl.com is looking for a Future Prior Fat Girl MOM edition! I nominated myself EARLY this morning. I might not be chosen, and that's okay! I'm just happy I did it. :) (But seriously, how awesome would it be if I could be part of the Prior Fat Girl family?! They are SO inspirational!)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Not so much weight related.
I miss my friends. I hate that all my best friends live HOURS away from me. I miss them all so much. I miss having L. right down the street. I miss being roommates with M. Hell, I just miss her being in the same town as me. I miss being able to hop on over to A's house whenever I wanted. I'm lonely. I have such amazing friends and I miss being able to hang out with them. :(
Don't get me wrong, I have friends here, but we are still in that "getting to know you" phase. We hang out when our husbands hang out and that's about it. We're all so busy with our families, too, it makes it hard to form friendships like before... when responsibilities were less, when our time wasn't so valuable and to-do-list ridden.
*sigh* Sad and lonely today.
On another note, I wish someone would buy/give me an elliptical. I really want one. Oh, and new shoes. My sneakers are shot. And jeans... I guess the list could go on and on... Any takers? I mean, buyers? I would love you forever! Promise!
Don't get me wrong, I have friends here, but we are still in that "getting to know you" phase. We hang out when our husbands hang out and that's about it. We're all so busy with our families, too, it makes it hard to form friendships like before... when responsibilities were less, when our time wasn't so valuable and to-do-list ridden.
*sigh* Sad and lonely today.
On another note, I wish someone would buy/give me an elliptical. I really want one. Oh, and new shoes. My sneakers are shot. And jeans... I guess the list could go on and on... Any takers? I mean, buyers? I would love you forever! Promise!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Short and sweet
Another pound gone today. I'm now down 21 lbs. since I started this little journey. About 9 pounds down since I started blogging about it. Am I excited? Hell yes I am. Am I proud of myself? You better believe it. Finally, finally I am doing it. I am finally accomplishing something and I have no desire to stop. I'm trying new foods everyday, new flavors and textures together and I love it. I made a delicious pasta sauce using Greek yogurt last night and loved it. No more craving creamy sauces! Now I can make my own healthy version! Yesterday, I went to lunch with my mom and did NOT have a soda. Drank 2 glasses of water. Ate a steak from Applebee's Under 550 menu, and did not eat the potatoes that came with. I had no need. The 4 oz grilled steak and steamed veggies were enough. I love not feeling bloated from eating too much, which was a common thing before I started really listening to my body.
I have 3 lbs more to go to meet my mini-goal I set for myself in my last blog post and then it's sister-shopping-fun day! Hooray!
Sorry this is short, but I have a very busy day planned. Lots to do before leaving town for the weekend. I swear, babies add hours to every activity that should only take minutes!
Love you all, my short list of readers. Thanks for believing in me.
I have 3 lbs more to go to meet my mini-goal I set for myself in my last blog post and then it's sister-shopping-fun day! Hooray!
Sorry this is short, but I have a very busy day planned. Lots to do before leaving town for the weekend. I swear, babies add hours to every activity that should only take minutes!
Love you all, my short list of readers. Thanks for believing in me.
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