Fatass

Yeah, it's been a while. Hope you haven't missed me too much. ;)

So, a couple weekends ago I had a wonderful non-scale victory weekend and am down 25 pounds and a whole clothing size. Exciting and wonderful! I feel awesome every time I put on my new clothes or older clothes that I didn't really believe I would fit into again. 

However, I still have a lot of work to do. This past week, I slipped and some of my old eating habits returned. I recovered from my slips on some days and on others, I did not. Today, for example, I ate my weight in chocolate. Okay, not really because that would probably kill someone, but I ate a lot of chocolate. I know I can pick up the pieces of my day and make better choices the rest of the day, though, and end on a happy note after my workout tonight.

Last week I had a bad experience. I was taking Bo on a walk, listening to my iPod, minding my own business when I walked past two girls sitting on a porch. They were big girls, bigger than me, and they were pigging out on Burger King and smoking. Burger in one hand, smoke in the other. Gross. Anyway, as I walked past, over my music I heard one of them say "Look at that fatass. I guess if SHE can do something about HER weight, I could do something about mine... Nah, FUCK it!" Then the air was riddled with smoky lung laughter. I was so offended, I stopped and said back "Fatass? Thanks. At least this FATASS is doing something about it, bitch." Then I walked away really fast because I was a little scared. I know I could outrun them, so I didn't really have anything to worry about, but still. So, I may not have handled that the best way I could have, but it was really hurtful. Honestly, that was the first time I have ever been called something like that. I guess I'm a lucky fatass.. no one makes fun of me to my face. ;)

That little encounter made me want to work even harder. I can't wait to walk by those girls again all skinny, hot and healthy, and see what they have to say then. I wouldn't mind being called a skinny bitch. :)

New mini goal: Lose 5 pounds by the end of May.

Mini goal REACHED

A while ago I posted a mini-goal. My mini goal was to be down 5 lbs by Easter. Well, I did it! In fact, I surpassed it! The day before going "reward" shopping (really, it was more necessity shopping), I had lost a total of 6 pounds! Woohoo! Go me! I am now down a whole 25 lbs!

I got some sexy new jeans and tops in a size smaller (even bought a shirt from American Eagle...(woah, I know... skinny store!). I also bought new running shoes and now I cannot wait for my workout tonight.

My sister and I had a wonderful time. We talked a lot about fitness, health, life, love, music, my son, our parents... I learned some new things about her and hoped she learned something about me.

I also made really good food choices this weekend, which you all know is hard while away from home and eating out.

Yesterday, Sunday, was my dad's birthday. While the year on his birth certificate says he turned 63, he still looks and acts like a 50 year old man! He is an active apnea swimmer, which means he swims under water for as far as he can go. He competes and even held the US Record for farthest distance without fins! He can go about 5 or 6 laps in an olympic sized pool. Amazing, right? Anyway, to say that swimming is a huge part of his life would be an understatement. So, for his birthday, I thought he would love to take his first grandson (MY boy) swimming for the first time! We had a great time and Bo loved the water. He splashed and kicked and marveled at all the other kids in the pool!

All in all, it was a great weekend. Lots of non-scale victories and love. My self confidence is at an all-time high right now and I feel wonderful. While leaving Lane Bryant with my bag full of goodies, a sales clerk said "Thank you, ladies! Hope to see you again soon!" and I thought "I don't!" I like that.

25% chance? Would you?

Sorry I've been missing for a few days. I've been busy. Good news, I've finally made a new friend here! Well, she lives about 40 minutes away, but that's not too bad. We have a lot in common and I'm so glad I found someone I finally just *click* with and it's not a forced friendship in any way! :)

Bad news, I hurt myself. Thursday or Friday I hurt my back. Saturday I ran and hurt it worse. Now it seems I have a pinched nerve or something in my lower back. Pain shooting up my back and down my thighs every time I walk! Luckily, it's not so bad that I'm bed-ridden, but running/exercising is out of the question. Or was. I think I'm going to try my luck on the treadmill tonight. After all, I've made a commitment to myself and can't go too long without activity before becoming a bum again.

The scale isn't moving. I'm right where I've been for the past 2-3 weeks it seems. I guess once my back is completely better I need to step it up and do more than what I have been doing. Obviously, 30 minutes of C25K and 20-30 minutes of other activity on rest nights isn't cutting it. I think I will add another workout to each night. Hopefully that will help get those numbers moving down again.

This is a bit sensitive, but I want some input from others here.  As you may or may not know, I almost died giving birth to my first son. There was heavy bleeding and a diagnosis of preeclampsia after delivery which landed me in the ICU for a couple days. Now, my husband and I are talking about having another baby. Of course I'm excited about the idea of another pregnancy, another little one, but I'm TERRIFIED. I've been researching what the chances of preeclampsia are during a 2nd pregnancy, and can't say it's been any help in reassuring me. There is a 20-25% chance that I will have preeclampsia again. Probably a bit more because I am still overweight. The percentage increases the longer I wait between pregnancies. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you have another? Would you call it good at one?

Any advice?

Dealing with failure.

I had a terrible past couple of days and terrible weekend. Actually, it was a great weekend, but I made terrible food choices. The past couple of days weren't bad either... but I made them bad by EATING SO MUCH.

Sunday we went to a little kid's birthday party and for some reason I cannot say NO to that damn birthday cake! I know I can. "No" was right there on the tip of my tongue, but I let the frosting overwhelm my senses and I went to town on that thing! Then we had chinese food. Two egg rolls and chicken chow mien. Healthy? Hell no. I cleaned my plate, too. I just wasn't thinking. I just let my mouth and stomach take over. Afterwards, I felt awful. On Monday, I did a little better, but not much. I ate healthier foods, but too much of them. Yesterday was TERRIBLE.

I ATE and ATE.

I felt like I was giving up. I was failing myself AGAIN and so I kept eating. Why not? There hasn't been any progress; nothing is happening; I should just EAT. The shame, the guilt I felt each time I put a piece of food in my mouth was overwhelming, but it wasn't enough to stop me.

Now, today... today I am so angry at myself. How DARE I let myself FAIL. How dare I let myself feel so LOW. My mini-goal is to lose 5 lbs by Easter and I was well on my way (only a couple lbs away) when I hit a plateau of sorts. Now I have gained and am at my original number before the mini-goal. I wanted to lose this 5 lbs before I went shopping with my sis, and because I was so close, I set a date with her. Now to be where I want to be before then I need to lose this 5 lbs in 2 weeks.

I'm going to use this anger to propel me forward. Instead of sitting here, hating myself a little bit, I'm going to use that to motivate me to get off of this fat ass.  I cannot hold myself back. I need to push a little harder, do a little more and NOT be mindless about my eating.

Failure is only temporary.

Edited to add: Holy water weight, Batman! After a *ahem* bathroom break and a shower, I am happy to report the numbers on the scale are back to being what they were before the weekend. Now I have two weeks to rid myself of those 2 pesky pounds and feel good about shopping for new clothes!

Five Minute Friday (Borrowed idea from The Inspired Housewife! Thanks)

I was reading through my favorite blogs this morning and was inspired! Inspired by the Inspired Housewife!   The rules are simple. Write for 5 minutes. The end.

Today's prompt (also borrowed from her blog... great idea!): My favorite things

1.  The summer sunlight coming in through the window
2.  When my son gives me "kisses"
3.  Completing a really cute card for someone
4.  Frost on bare tree branches
5.  Lying in the hammock, looking at the blue sky through tree branches
6.  Slipping on my favorite pair of jeans
7.  Getting a package in the mail
8.  Making my husband laugh
9.  Cuddling with my son
10. When windshield wipers or blinkers go in time with the music on the radio

It's a good day. Will write about weight-loss stuff later. :) Take some time and think about your favorite things... I would love to hear about them.