Back in the game!

Down 4 pounds! Just thought I'd share.

I'm sorry.

I've been totally MIA from this blog. I'm sorry. I stopped trying. I stopped giving a shit. Old habits skipped joyfully back into my life in the form of fast food, candy and huge portions. I'm not going to lie, I liked it. Bad habits taste good... At the time. The after-taste is awful. Just awful. I've gained about 10 lbs back. I cannot gain anymore. No. No. No.

I'm putting my foot down again. I HAVE to start tracking my food. I do so much better when I do. I got an awesome elliptical last month and I HAVE to start using it consistently along with strength training exercises. I HAVE to remind myself daily that I am stronger than my bad habits-- I do have self discipline.

My long term goals:
-track everything I put in my mouth. I mean, EVERYTHING.
-exercise 5 days a week for 30 mins minimum.
-stop eating in front of the t.v.
-stop getting fast food
-drink at least 120 oz of water a day

My short term goal:
-lose 5 lbs by Aug. 31

What I have been doing well:
No soda! Woohoo! If I feel I need some caffiene, I have been getting green tea or coffee instead. I'm pretty proud of myself for this.
AND... That's about it...

I'll try to be more consistent with writing, too, but I'm not making any promises.... about that at least.

A bad week

Last Friday started a string of days that haven't been kind to me. We decided to work on a landscaping project over Mother's Day weekend which included building a new stone patio and planting flowers in 4 flower beds.

I decided not to workout while doing this project, as I knew I would be doing more than enough and wouldn't have the energy anyway. We worked hard on Friday, shopping for plants, planting one flower bed, unloading patio block, and cutting and hauling sod (rolls of sod, in case you didn't know are freakin' HEAVY). Because I was out late renting the sod cutter, I grabbed a pizza from Papa Murphy's. I asked for no sauce, light cheese and a thin crust. They put sauce on it anyway. I would have taken it back, but I live 30 mins away and was at home when I realized it. Because I had worked so hard earlier, I was starving and ate like I hadn't seen pizza before! It was a little ridiculous!

Weighed myself Saturday morning, I had gained. That is when the bad day started. Scott took Bo with him on some errands, so I was able to plant the flower beds before our babysitter (my sister) got here and I had to help Scott with the patio. I was busy, busy, busy! I was making sure the sod was being watered, my flowers were okay, and digging in the dirt. I was almost done with the second flower bed when I pulled off my gloves to take a little break. The gloves snagged on my wedding ring (I never take it off and have not had any problems before), and that is when I noticed that my diamond was gone. I thought I lost it where I threw the gloves, but the more I thought about it the more I came to realize that the gloves probably snagged because there was NO diamond. That meant that I could have lost it anywhere in my yard. I was all over the place! Front and back! I called my husband crying. I felt terrible. Really, truly terrible. He was due home in an hour and he helped me look. No luck. I got a lot of well-meaning, pretty much useless advice via FB and decided to move on. After all, I can replace a diamond. I'm still married with or without the ring. AND the flowers look awesome. 9 hours later, we were done for the day. A lot was accomplished.

Oh, I forgot to mention, my sun allergy made my arms break out in hives worse than ever before. I was very itchy and my arms were burning like they were on fire.

We ate out that night because we were both too tired to cook. I gained on Sunday morning.

Sunday was a lot of hard work, too. Digging the area where the patio will be, moving block (16 lbs each), and laying said block. It was hard on my back and knees. AND I was sweating like a pig! It was HOT! I had to take frequent breaks because of my arms. Oh, and the diamond still didn't show up. We ate out for lunch and dinner.

Monday morning I had gained so much that I don't even want to think about it! I was incredibly disappointed and upset.

I banned myself from being outside on Monday after I spent maybe a whole hour watering plants, hanging laundry to dry and laying some more patio block. My arms were so bad I could barely move them. It hurt to pick up my child! When Scott came home and saw my arms, he banned me, too. It was so nice out that I was actually devastated to be inside.

Tuesday--15 mins of being outside and I had to ice my arms for 2 hours. Another bad day of being stuck inside.

Wednesday, yesterday, my arms were finally better, but it was raining all day, so we were inside again. During nap time I went downstairs to do a little card-makin' and found that my craft room was flooded. There was an inch of standing water 5 feet across my room! Luckily, none of my supplies (thousands of dollars worth of material) were damaged. I spent the rest of the day cleaning out the room, shop-vac'ing the water up, and organizing a new craft space in my husband's "man cave." He's not too happy, but neither am I. After all, that was my own personal space...I could shut the door after baby went to bed and just be ALONE.  Now it could be months before my space is ready again. We found nasty black mold on the old vinyl sheeted drywall, showing us that it had happened before. Luckily, no mold on the concrete block walls.

So, this past week hasn't been good. Not at all. I've lost most of what I've gained by now, but am disappointed I let stress and exhaustion affect me like it did.

I am never too tired to make good choices.  Eating does NOT make me feel better. Eating will not make my allergies any better. It will not make stress go away.

One Day at a Time

I haven't exercised since last Thursday.

I let some old habits start up again.

I haven't been sleeping enough or drinking enough water.

This is a learning process. Healthy living does not happen overnight. 

It's frightening how easily I forget this.

Breathe. Remember-- One day at a time. It will get easier.

Fatass

Yeah, it's been a while. Hope you haven't missed me too much. ;)

So, a couple weekends ago I had a wonderful non-scale victory weekend and am down 25 pounds and a whole clothing size. Exciting and wonderful! I feel awesome every time I put on my new clothes or older clothes that I didn't really believe I would fit into again. 

However, I still have a lot of work to do. This past week, I slipped and some of my old eating habits returned. I recovered from my slips on some days and on others, I did not. Today, for example, I ate my weight in chocolate. Okay, not really because that would probably kill someone, but I ate a lot of chocolate. I know I can pick up the pieces of my day and make better choices the rest of the day, though, and end on a happy note after my workout tonight.

Last week I had a bad experience. I was taking Bo on a walk, listening to my iPod, minding my own business when I walked past two girls sitting on a porch. They were big girls, bigger than me, and they were pigging out on Burger King and smoking. Burger in one hand, smoke in the other. Gross. Anyway, as I walked past, over my music I heard one of them say "Look at that fatass. I guess if SHE can do something about HER weight, I could do something about mine... Nah, FUCK it!" Then the air was riddled with smoky lung laughter. I was so offended, I stopped and said back "Fatass? Thanks. At least this FATASS is doing something about it, bitch." Then I walked away really fast because I was a little scared. I know I could outrun them, so I didn't really have anything to worry about, but still. So, I may not have handled that the best way I could have, but it was really hurtful. Honestly, that was the first time I have ever been called something like that. I guess I'm a lucky fatass.. no one makes fun of me to my face. ;)

That little encounter made me want to work even harder. I can't wait to walk by those girls again all skinny, hot and healthy, and see what they have to say then. I wouldn't mind being called a skinny bitch. :)

New mini goal: Lose 5 pounds by the end of May.

Mini goal REACHED

A while ago I posted a mini-goal. My mini goal was to be down 5 lbs by Easter. Well, I did it! In fact, I surpassed it! The day before going "reward" shopping (really, it was more necessity shopping), I had lost a total of 6 pounds! Woohoo! Go me! I am now down a whole 25 lbs!

I got some sexy new jeans and tops in a size smaller (even bought a shirt from American Eagle...(woah, I know... skinny store!). I also bought new running shoes and now I cannot wait for my workout tonight.

My sister and I had a wonderful time. We talked a lot about fitness, health, life, love, music, my son, our parents... I learned some new things about her and hoped she learned something about me.

I also made really good food choices this weekend, which you all know is hard while away from home and eating out.

Yesterday, Sunday, was my dad's birthday. While the year on his birth certificate says he turned 63, he still looks and acts like a 50 year old man! He is an active apnea swimmer, which means he swims under water for as far as he can go. He competes and even held the US Record for farthest distance without fins! He can go about 5 or 6 laps in an olympic sized pool. Amazing, right? Anyway, to say that swimming is a huge part of his life would be an understatement. So, for his birthday, I thought he would love to take his first grandson (MY boy) swimming for the first time! We had a great time and Bo loved the water. He splashed and kicked and marveled at all the other kids in the pool!

All in all, it was a great weekend. Lots of non-scale victories and love. My self confidence is at an all-time high right now and I feel wonderful. While leaving Lane Bryant with my bag full of goodies, a sales clerk said "Thank you, ladies! Hope to see you again soon!" and I thought "I don't!" I like that.

25% chance? Would you?

Sorry I've been missing for a few days. I've been busy. Good news, I've finally made a new friend here! Well, she lives about 40 minutes away, but that's not too bad. We have a lot in common and I'm so glad I found someone I finally just *click* with and it's not a forced friendship in any way! :)

Bad news, I hurt myself. Thursday or Friday I hurt my back. Saturday I ran and hurt it worse. Now it seems I have a pinched nerve or something in my lower back. Pain shooting up my back and down my thighs every time I walk! Luckily, it's not so bad that I'm bed-ridden, but running/exercising is out of the question. Or was. I think I'm going to try my luck on the treadmill tonight. After all, I've made a commitment to myself and can't go too long without activity before becoming a bum again.

The scale isn't moving. I'm right where I've been for the past 2-3 weeks it seems. I guess once my back is completely better I need to step it up and do more than what I have been doing. Obviously, 30 minutes of C25K and 20-30 minutes of other activity on rest nights isn't cutting it. I think I will add another workout to each night. Hopefully that will help get those numbers moving down again.

This is a bit sensitive, but I want some input from others here.  As you may or may not know, I almost died giving birth to my first son. There was heavy bleeding and a diagnosis of preeclampsia after delivery which landed me in the ICU for a couple days. Now, my husband and I are talking about having another baby. Of course I'm excited about the idea of another pregnancy, another little one, but I'm TERRIFIED. I've been researching what the chances of preeclampsia are during a 2nd pregnancy, and can't say it's been any help in reassuring me. There is a 20-25% chance that I will have preeclampsia again. Probably a bit more because I am still overweight. The percentage increases the longer I wait between pregnancies. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you have another? Would you call it good at one?

Any advice?

Dealing with failure.

I had a terrible past couple of days and terrible weekend. Actually, it was a great weekend, but I made terrible food choices. The past couple of days weren't bad either... but I made them bad by EATING SO MUCH.

Sunday we went to a little kid's birthday party and for some reason I cannot say NO to that damn birthday cake! I know I can. "No" was right there on the tip of my tongue, but I let the frosting overwhelm my senses and I went to town on that thing! Then we had chinese food. Two egg rolls and chicken chow mien. Healthy? Hell no. I cleaned my plate, too. I just wasn't thinking. I just let my mouth and stomach take over. Afterwards, I felt awful. On Monday, I did a little better, but not much. I ate healthier foods, but too much of them. Yesterday was TERRIBLE.

I ATE and ATE.

I felt like I was giving up. I was failing myself AGAIN and so I kept eating. Why not? There hasn't been any progress; nothing is happening; I should just EAT. The shame, the guilt I felt each time I put a piece of food in my mouth was overwhelming, but it wasn't enough to stop me.

Now, today... today I am so angry at myself. How DARE I let myself FAIL. How dare I let myself feel so LOW. My mini-goal is to lose 5 lbs by Easter and I was well on my way (only a couple lbs away) when I hit a plateau of sorts. Now I have gained and am at my original number before the mini-goal. I wanted to lose this 5 lbs before I went shopping with my sis, and because I was so close, I set a date with her. Now to be where I want to be before then I need to lose this 5 lbs in 2 weeks.

I'm going to use this anger to propel me forward. Instead of sitting here, hating myself a little bit, I'm going to use that to motivate me to get off of this fat ass.  I cannot hold myself back. I need to push a little harder, do a little more and NOT be mindless about my eating.

Failure is only temporary.

Edited to add: Holy water weight, Batman! After a *ahem* bathroom break and a shower, I am happy to report the numbers on the scale are back to being what they were before the weekend. Now I have two weeks to rid myself of those 2 pesky pounds and feel good about shopping for new clothes!

Five Minute Friday (Borrowed idea from The Inspired Housewife! Thanks)

I was reading through my favorite blogs this morning and was inspired! Inspired by the Inspired Housewife!   The rules are simple. Write for 5 minutes. The end.

Today's prompt (also borrowed from her blog... great idea!): My favorite things

1.  The summer sunlight coming in through the window
2.  When my son gives me "kisses"
3.  Completing a really cute card for someone
4.  Frost on bare tree branches
5.  Lying in the hammock, looking at the blue sky through tree branches
6.  Slipping on my favorite pair of jeans
7.  Getting a package in the mail
8.  Making my husband laugh
9.  Cuddling with my son
10. When windshield wipers or blinkers go in time with the music on the radio

It's a good day. Will write about weight-loss stuff later. :) Take some time and think about your favorite things... I would love to hear about them.

I WON!

OMG! OMG! I won a blog giveaway! This is actually the SECOND one I have won and I'm amazed! I never win ANYTHING!

I'm super excited about this one, mostly because one of the prizes is a box of new CHOBANI flavors! I love that yogurt SO much! My taste buds are dancing in anticipation. Scott likes it too, which is shocking considering how picky he used to be about food. Can you believe that he didn't start eating vegetables until I started making him 2 years ago?! Seriously, he only ate corn and potatoes. Lettuce used to make him gag. Now he asks for a dinner salad before his meal when we go out to eat. That was all my doings. I guess I'm just amazing. I make miracles happen.

Anyway, there are lots of other goodies included and I cannot wait to find the package waiting for me at my doorstep.

It's from Anda's Leaving Fatville's blog.  Really, I'm not lying. I won the grand prize. Check it out and read my story that won. I am so grateful to Anda for choosing me. She is an amazingly sweet, inspiring and supportive person and I'm so glad "met" her on Twitter. :) (@leavingfatville)

So, my weight is at a stand-still and I'm getting a little frustrated. I know it will happen, the pounds will slip right off, but I want to see the numbers on the scale fall now.  I'm still doing the c25k program and on my rest days, I'm doing low-impact walking and some EA Active for the Wii. Hopefully, I'll start seeing results soon. Tonight I'm supposed to be resting, but really, I feel the need to be more active, so c25k tonight, w2, d1. I'll be running for 90 seconds at a time now...I'm a little nervous. However, a Prior Fat Girl I really admire, Lindsay, is doing the same program and just did week 4, day 1 where you run for 5 minutes straight! She ROCKED it! So, I know I can run for a insignificant 90 seconds!

I've been slacking on my water a bit in the last couple of days and boy, oh boy, does my body feel it! I'm achy. I feel old. So today, hydrate is the name of the game.  I've also been feeling a complete lack of energy. I don't think I'm eating enough. Now that I'm burning more calories, I'm left with a caloric intake of about 700-800 a day and I think I need to make sure that my net caloric intake is 1200. I really don't think I'm taking in enough. So, I'm going to watch that. I definitely don't want my body to think it's starving. I won't lose any weight that way. Eat to lose, that's what I have to do now. What do you think?

Lazy Sunday

It was a super lazy Sunday in my house. We decided that it was a movie-marathon day. 5 movies. It was awesome. A couple of the movies weren't very good, but I'm glad we watched them anyway. Well, one I could have done without watching, but it wasn't the worst I've ever seen.

We started with "Tron." Have you seen this? If so, do you know what the hell was going on? I watched the whole thing, PAID ATTENTION even, and have no clue what that movie was about. The rest were horror movies and creepy situational movies (abandoned on a ski-lift chair, alone in the woods, etc.).

I wanted to do my Couch to 5K workout after our last movie, but baby-cakes wouldn't go to bed and we had a little bit of unexpected company. So, I want to double my workout today. I'm not dreading it. In fact, I feel pretty good and, well, excited. On Saturday, I surprised myself  by telling Scott, "Honey, I really want to get a workout in before we leave for the birthday party today." *Sharp intake of breath, HUGE smile* 

I surprised him, too. 

Downstairs I went, put on some good tunes, hopped on the treadmill, and commenced to treadmill dancing, jogging, and over-all having a good time. It was awesome. It felt great. 

I'm still working on those moderation goals. Honestly, I didn't give them much thought over the weekend, but I will this week. 

No real change in the scale numbers, but I'm not judging my progress by that alone. Clothes are looser and my face is thinner. Gonna keep doin' what I'm doin' and the scale will catch up. 

How did you spend your weekend? 

And the seasons change...

I have a lot to write about today. A lot.

First, and most importantly, I need to say how HAPPY I am to be alive. Life is awesome, even when it's not, it REALLY is. Does that make sense?

Secondly, (and this is exciting) I've started the Couch to 5K running program. Wednesday night was my first night. It consisted of a 5 minute warm-up walk and then alternating 60 sec. of jogging with 90 sec. of walking. Honestly, I tried it Wednesday afternoon, but I started running TOO fast and couldn't finish the workout. So, that night, I tried again and a little slower speed and was able to knock it out! I felt SO accomplished and proud of myself. The sweat running down my face was like a reward. Tonight is week 1, day 2. Dare I say... I'm kinda excited about it... :) I can't wait to tell my sister that I'm doing this. I would love to run a 5K with her someday. Being active together was never something we could really do and I'm looking forward to being able to.

My weight is fluctuating a couple pounds day by day, but I'm not worrying about it. I know, because I'm keeping such good track of the food I eat, that most of it is due to differing levels of fluid intake. I'm hoping to get that 5 lbs I wanted off by Easter off by the end of the month instead. I only have 2 lbs to go, so I think it's do-able. 


Last night, we went out to dinner with my in-laws. I really need to remind myself that I cannot eat as much as I used to. I got excited about a cheeseburger and felt bloated and terrible after I ate it. Scott ate too much, too. We realized that instead of ordering these big meals, we need to listen to our bodies and when we're feeling full from the dinner salad before the main course to STOP there. We both felt satisfied after eating the salad, so there was no need to eat more. Live and learn, right? Now we know for next time. This, I think, is a major breakthrough for two overweight people who love to eat out! :)


I have been in a huge funk lately. I suffer from mild Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. Here is the definition, courtesy of www.mayoclinic.com:


Seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year. If you're like most people with seasonal affective disorder, your symptoms start in the fall and may continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, seasonal affective disorder causes depression in the spring or early summer.


I say it's mild, because I don't feel the need for anti-depressants. It only really affects me for a couple weeks at a time, mostly during the time the seasons are changing... the transition from one to the other. I really have a hard time when it's warm for a few days and then BOOM! It snows or is cold again. Most of the time, the cure is a good, long sit in a patch of sun, but for me this is a double edged sword. 


You see, I have a sun allergy. I break out in hives if I'm in the sun too long (20 minutes), or it's too hot. If I want to be outside for a longer amount of time, I have to either cover up or apply sunscreen every 10 minutes. Even these methods aren't foolproof. But really, how CRUEL is that?! The cure for my depression is the worst allergy I have! Not fair, Mother Nature! Not fair! 


That brings me to my next topic: moderation. Moderation is so important. For eating, for sun exposure, for balancing family time and "me" time, for spending money... It's a hard thing to learn, but it's necessary. I need to work on moderation. I'm going to work on some goals for this, not really sure how to state it yet.. so I'm going to think about it and get back to you. 


OH! OH! I almost FORGOT! How could I forget this?!?! www.priorfatgirl.com is looking for a Future Prior Fat Girl MOM edition! I nominated myself EARLY this morning. I might not be chosen, and that's okay! I'm just happy I did it. :) (But seriously, how awesome would it be if I could be part of the Prior Fat Girl family?! They are SO inspirational!) 

Not so much weight related.

 I miss my friends. I hate that all my best friends live HOURS away from me.  I miss them all so much. I miss having L. right down the street. I miss being roommates with M. Hell, I just miss her being in the same town as me. I miss being able to hop on over to A's house whenever I wanted. I'm lonely.  I have such amazing friends and I miss being able to hang out with them. :(

Don't get me wrong, I have friends here, but we are still in that "getting to know you" phase. We hang out when our husbands hang out and that's about it. We're all so busy with our families, too, it makes it hard to form friendships like before... when responsibilities were less, when our time wasn't so valuable and to-do-list ridden.

*sigh* Sad and lonely today.

On another note, I wish someone would buy/give me an elliptical. I really want one. Oh, and new shoes. My sneakers are shot. And jeans... I guess the list could go on and on... Any takers? I mean, buyers? I would love you forever! Promise!

Short and sweet

Another pound gone today. I'm now down 21 lbs. since I started this little journey. About 9 pounds down since I started blogging about it. Am I excited? Hell yes I am. Am I proud of myself? You better believe it. Finally, finally I am doing it. I am finally accomplishing something and I have no desire to stop. I'm trying new foods everyday, new flavors and textures together and I love it. I made a delicious pasta sauce using Greek yogurt last night and loved it. No more craving creamy sauces! Now I can make my own healthy version! Yesterday, I went to lunch with my mom and did NOT have a soda. Drank 2 glasses of water. Ate a steak from Applebee's Under 550 menu, and did not eat the potatoes that came with. I had no need. The 4 oz grilled steak and steamed veggies were enough. I love not feeling bloated from eating too much, which was a common thing before I started really listening to my body.

I have 3 lbs more to go to meet my mini-goal I set for myself in my last blog post and then it's sister-shopping-fun day! Hooray!

Sorry this is short, but I have a very busy day planned. Lots to do before leaving town for the weekend. I swear, babies add hours to every activity that should only take minutes!

Love you all, my short list of readers. Thanks for believing in me.

I'm back!

So, I haven't been posting because I have been super busy making new cards for my shop! I'm so excited about how they are turning out and I wish I knew how to get more exposure. I would love to make a business out of this instead of just a hobby. I want to make more customizable cards and get some samples of wedding invites up and maybe that will help sales.

I've been stuck at the same weight for a few days now and it's super frustrating. Even more so when my hubs comes out of the bathroom one day to say "hey! I've lost 10 lbs since last month!" Uh.. Great honey. Awesome. Glad all that exercise is paying off... Oh wait, that's me on the treadmill every night while you play video games... *sigh*

I haven't gained any, which is good. I still need new pants, but I've decided to wait til I lose 5 more lbs before shopping. Then it will be more of a reward! That gives me something to work for. 5 lbs and I get to go shopping! What a motivator! I want to lose this 5 lbs by Easter. Mini goal set. Here I go.

Back on track.

After a weekend that wasn't so healthy, I am finally back on track. I'm back to the weight I was at before the girl scout cookies, beer, wine, and party food. I am relieved. I do not want to fail myself again. I was so afraid that I was going to give in to the little thoughts rattling around in my brain, "Go ahead, have a soda, eat some m&m's...you've already failed..." BUT I didn't. I did not. I held strong.

I am not going to fail myself.

Earlier today, I was thinking about how I need a "fat" friend. All of my new friends here are skinny. Skinny and beautiful. They're wonderful and I enjoy the time we spend together, but I feel HUGE and UGLY next to them. I wish there was someone who was more my size and wanted to be my workout buddy. It's no fun going it all alone. Throwing myself a pity party here, sorry. I guess I'm just a little lonely... A lot lonely for someone who is where I am.

I was also thinking about this blog. Thinking about WHY I am writing it. I am not a very good writer. I've known this forever and have come to terms with it. I'm not very funny, insightful or inspiring. I'm okay with that. I guess, I'm writing this for myself.  The fact that someone else can see it, that someone else can read it, merely holds me accountable for the goals I'm setting and, well, correct grammar. Accountability is good. Doing something for myself is good. Together, they are great.

Monday, Monday...

Well, this weekend was a bit of a disaster. It was a fun, fun weekend which was the problem. I ate too much, I drank a little more than I am used to and didn't sweat as much or move as much as I should have. I've gained a bit and when I say "a bit" I mean like 2 pounds.

Ick. Way to go.

Oh well, Rome wasn't built in a day and healthy living for someone who hasn't lived well for a few years isn't going to happen all at once, either. That's okay.

Monday, Monday, time to get back on track.

I have to give myself some credit, I did workout last night, harder than I have in a very, very long time. I was exhausted and it felt wonderful. So good, in fact, that I want to do it again, this morning!

AND I made a very delicious, very healthy breakfast scramble this morning. I would have taken a picture, because it was pretty, but I'm sure my dear husband would have thought I was nuts. I'll save meal pictures for when he's not around. ;)

On a completely different note, I have some very exciting news! I am donating 5 blank note cards for a blog giveaway! Through Twitter, I have met a woman who is a HUGE inspiration to me. She has gone through the same journey as I'm on with amazing success! HealthyLoserGal can be followed on Twitter or Facebook, and links to her blog can be found on either profile. Or here. From March 19 to the end of the month, she will be giving away prizes to her readers and one of them is going to be MY cards!! I'm so excited and honored! So, head on over there, follow her, read about her success and be ready for some amazing giveaways!

Watch for this giveaway and others March 19-the end of the month at HealthyLoserGal's Blog.

Girl Scout, thy name is Sabotage...

Damn you Girl Scout, delicious, peanut-buttery, chocolate cookie(s). Damn you.

So, yesterday is when I wrote the line above. I ate way, WAY, too many cookies. My weight is up 2 lbs from yesterday. It sucks, but I'm not discouraged. I'm still 5 lbs less than I was last week! I told my husband when he came home that he HAD to take the rest of the cookies to work and hide them from me over the weekend, or else...! A picture of me rolling through the house like Violet the giant blueberry from Willy Wonka rooolllllss (ha!) through my head right now... Cookies = giant, roly-poly Meg.

In my last post, I mentioned that I joined a March challenge to exercises for 30 minutes 24 days out of the month. Last night I took a break because I had to work on other things and spend time with the Fam, but because of my *ahem* slip.. I feel it would only be right to make my work out twice as long today. As of right now, I am not in good enough shape to run for more than 15 mintues without completely dying, so what I have been doing is intervals of brisk walking and jogging. I hope, in time, to be able to run throughout my entire treadmill time, and eventually start weight training to build my strength up and gain some definition. Right now, though, I am happy with what I can do.

I do have good news, I am down a pant size! Which prompts more good news, I need to go
shopping! Hopefully, I will have even more good news after this weekend! Not giving up! Cookies won't get me down!

Done!

We are done with the bathroom renovation! Hooray! My arms are killing me from painting, tiling, scrubbing, cleaning...etc. My legs are sore and my dogs are a-barkin'! I've been taking a break from my workouts because of this renovation made for very, very late nights and a lot of physical work. However, now that it is DONE I need to begin my routine again. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited! Maybe I'm just on a high from the bathroom being finished... Maybe not... Well, whatever. I'm motivated today!

Bathroom:

I love how it turned out! It really is just beautiful.  I love the feeling of accomplishment when hard work pays off.

So, this is a multiple day blog. I'm feeling really motivated lately and just plain good! Yesterday, just for kicks, I weighed myself in the morning right when I woke up and at night right before bed. Though it was not much, it made me smile when I saw the numbers on the scale be slightly less at night than in the morning! My jeans are fitting a little looser and the numbers keep getting smaller.

As of today, I am 26 pounds lighter than I was on the day I found out I was pregnant and a whopping 40 pounds less than the day I gave birth to my awesome son! Sure, over 20 pounds of that was baby, placenta and water weight from post partum pre-eclampsia, but still...  :)

I have joined the HealthyLoserGal's March Challenge. It consists of choosing 24 days of March to be active for 30 minutes and making a healthy goal for June. My goal is to lose 18-20 pounds by June. That will keep me on track for the 80 pounds I want to lose by next February. I'm pretty sure I will rock that.  I'm feeling very confident! 

I've been making delicious meals, lately, full of veggies and other yummy, low calorie, good-for-you goodies! It's become easier to stick to my calories goal without feeling like I'm starving thanks to eating all the RIGHT foods instead of just diet foods. Work-outs are going well. It was nice out yesterday, so a walk was in order and then, after Bo went to bed, I jumped on the treadmill for a short run. I've caught a nasty cold, and it's settled in my chest, so it was a little too hard to breathe for a very long one. However, I did it. I did it without feeling like I "HAD" to. I did it because I WANTED to. :)

I just want to do a little dance and scream into the sky! I feel good!! 

Unexpected surprises

It's snowing. I love waking up to a beautiful, soft snowfall. I love it until I have to go outside, that is. I don't like the cold. Anyway, back to the positive aspect of winter... a soft, beautiful snowfall. The kind of snow that sticks to your nose and eyelashes. But that's not what I want to talk about today.

Yesterday I was so bummed out about how I have been doing, and this morning I had an unexpected surprise (along with the wonderful snow)-- I lost 4 pounds since my last weigh in! My last visit to the scale was 9 days ago. 4 pounds, 9 days? That's pretty good! 

How did that happen? Really?! Thinking back through the last 9 days, I think I know where I went right when I thought I had gone so wrong. The first 3 days of my new adventure, I did really well. I ate well and exercised.  When we started our bathroom renovation is when my plan went out the window. However, I drank more water than usual, cut out soda, didn't snack between meals because I was busy, and I did move quite a bit (though I know it wasn't enough, at least I wasn't just sittin' on my caboose being lazy).

I guess this is a good reminder not to get so down on myself. There are going to be ups and downs. Beating myself up for a "bad week" is counterproductive. Instead of feeling guilty and upset, when I have a lapse, I need to evaluate it and find out what triggered the unhealthy behavior and how I could have handled it differently.  Learn from it.

Without failure, success would mean nothing. I'm raising my coffee cup (no creamer!) in a toast to a good day full of unexpected surprises, snow and lessons learned.

I need a do-over.

It's been a few days since I've sat down to gather my thoughts, catalog my emotions and re-prioritize my life.

Since we have been doing this bathroom renovation it's been a loud, messy household with fast meals and a definite lack of sleep. It's been easier while running around town to grab something on the go, and easier to throw something in the oven instead of going to the store for fresh, healthier options that I desperately need to shop for. I haven't been too healthy and I feel it. Today I feel like crap.

On top of not feeling physically well, I am feeling guilty. I'm letting myself down. I haven't worked out at all since starting the bathroom. I justify it in my mind by telling myself I've been busy. I did some tiling, I knocked out some drywall, I've mudded and taped walls and have done a whole lot of cleaning.. yeah, my body is sore, but I know I haven't burned enough calories to make up for any crappy thing I've eaten.

I must get back in the right frame of mind. I must remember my little black dress. I must stop making excuses (ie. just because I throw spinach on a home-made pizza does not make it healthy, however delicious...). I must go to the grocery store... ha ha...

Here is some of the work we've done on the bathroom:

Our color scheme and tile! Can't wait! It's going to be so pretty!

Floor tile, without grout

My drywall mudding skills... needs a sand still!

Tub again

The tub in place and floor tile

On a brighter note, I sold one of my favorite cards (Love, Meg Cards), which reminds me that I need to build up my stock a bit. Something to look forward to! I love crafting!

8x4 card, felted and stitched bird, rub-on transfer "Congratulations"

Oh, and Bo, my little guy, now has 3 top teeth. A 4th one is on it's way! He's growing so fast. I can't believe he's 8 months old... It's gone by so quickly.

My sweet 8 month old. I love him SO much.

Busy day 3

As I have mentioned before, we're working on a bathroom renovation. We drove to Cheyenne today to find the vanity and a few other things for the reno, and so I haven't been able to exercise yet. Well, unless you count 2 hours of aggressive shopping exercise...haha! My parents, for Valentine's Day, bought us a gift card to Olive Garden, so we decided to use that today. I did pretty well, for Olive Garden that is, just eating soup and salad.

I'm making chicken with lots of garlic and onion, rice and green beans with almonds for dinner.  It should be pretty tasty.  A workout on the treadmill for me after dinner and sleep, hopefully, lots of sleep.

Happy Friday everyone. Sorry this is so short and boring, but I'm exhausted and don't have much to say.

Day 2

Alright. So, here I am. Exhausted because my 8 month old child woke up every 2 hours last night. He's getting 4 teeth in at the same time, so he's a bit fussy. I'm a bit fussy. I need a nap.

Anyway, my morning started off busy, busy, busy! I wanted to get all my household chores done before my mom came up for the day so I could relax with her and do some other things around the house sans baby. So, I rushed around the house sweeping, mopping, doing dishes, making beds, taking out the trash, etc. and downed two cups of joe with that tasty but terrible creamer. I need to quit that stuff. Pronto.

After the little one went down for a nap I realized I had not eaten breakfast, and my tummy was talkin' smack for ignoring it. I gorged myself on an apple, parmesan cheese (super tasty nuked for about 30 seconds... make your own little cracker! yum!), and peanut butter, not exactly in that order, and another cup of coffee. Needless to say, this ruined my caloric intake for the morning.

To compensate, I had a smaller lunch and will have just a delicious spinach salad for dinner. 1200 calorie rule for the day will not be broken. I am strong. I will not overeat! My brain may say I need more, but I know my stomach does not! Get in the game, brain! C'mon!

So far today I have had 4 big glasses of water and NO soda! It's ah-maz-ing! Really. I'm not even craving it, like I usually do.

My husband, Scott, and I are planning a bathroom renovation this weekend. We've bought our new whirlpool, corner tub, tile, new fixtures and hardware. However, we're missing a huge part of the bathroom: the vanity and sink! Last night we went on a little trip to our local...(okay, so really, it's 30 minutes away, in another town, in another state, but whatever) Home Depot to see what we could see. On the way there, in the silence that came after the "how was your day?" type of questions and answers were done with, I mentioned that I started a blog. I explained to him why and what it was about. Told him I was kinda excited and it was motivating. Ever the realist, he asked "So, did you workout today?" Crap. Caught me. No. I did not. I meant to, but baby Bo's nap did not last as long as I thought it would have... (usually an hour - hour and a half -- 30 MINUTES! UGH!) His reply, "Maybe, instead of blogging, you should hop on that treadmill... it's only 10 feet away from your computer..." Thanks, babe. Thanks a lot. He's got a point, though. I've been very good at talking about what I'm going to do and then never do it. However, now that he has called me out, I have to do it. Actually, we decided to get fit together. We're going to break out the EA Active for the Wii again, and give that a go after Bo goes to bed, and during the day I'm going to use one nap time to give that treadmill a workout!

So, guess what I'm going to do right after the last punctuation mark is in place? That's right, nothing. HA! Just kidding! That dusty treadmill and I have a date.

Here goes nothing...

I'm nervous. Nervous about writing this. Nervous about, good Lord, posting this. I try to be confident in myself, in how I look, in what I'm doing, but this is all new territory and I'm afraid, no, not afraid, just nervous, about how people will react to me.

I am fat. There, I said it. Now I can stop dancing around the huge, pink, cupcake-covered elephant in the room. It's been a constant throughout my life. It hasn't really held me back, though. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby boy... a great life! But, I have a little dream, a day dream of sorts, that I think to myself each night, of being thin. Thin, and in a beautiful, slinky, black dress. It's my little black dress dream. I want that dream to be true. Now. Today. Haha... just kidding, but not really. I know it's going to take time, a whole lot of time.

I know how to get there, healthy eating and exercise, but I struggle with motivation.  I've tried telling myself that I'm doing it for my husband. He deserves a sexy wife, etc... but he already thinks I'm sexy.  I say I'm going to do it for my son. He deserves a mother who can keep up with him on the playground, when he gets to that stage, etc... but I can.  I say I'll do it for my health, but I'm healthy... I'm sure I could be healthier, but I'm not going to die of a heart attack or anything. If none of this can motivate me, I guess I just have to do it for myself, be selfish about this one thing. I have to do it for my little black dress.

So, here goes nothing. This is day one of my weight loss, blogging, and selfish adventure.  I'm going to keep track of what I eat throughout the day, stay as true as I can to a 1200 calorie diet, and do some sort of moderate exercise (until I get in a little better shape) each day.  I hope that by this time next year, I can be 80 pounds lighter and in a sexy, little black number.